Fragile State

by Gretchen's Wheel

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1.
The numbers on the calendar don’t make any sense Too much time under tension on this side of the fence She’s been learning bitter lessons, trying to swallow the pill Waiting for relief to come, but it never will She was making plans that could never be and couldn’t take the truth Should have known that love alone will never make the world move She was reaching past the borders of a comfortable life To something far beyond her that’s impossibly high, so high Don’t worry, it was only a dream Some days her heart still thinks it’s seventeen Don’t worry, it was just a dream She’s waking up now to a whole new scene Combat boots and flannel shirts, "Sick of Myself" Those years were bound to the sound and lost to anything else But as a little fish adrift at sea in waters too deep It was easy just to disappear, make acquaintance with grief On fertile ground a seed was sown that blossomed so fast Without a clue that all youth has just a second to last So it faded from the pictures she had drawn in her mind Revised all her intentions then left it behind
2.
Pretend 03:21
I’m holding my breath I hope you can’t feel my heart pounding I just want to stay forever like this But this embrace will end I am your friend Playing pretend I’d like to think you’re blind Playing pretend You love me in my mind If I can hold back tears Then I can make this last Won’t have to explain Cause you’ll never ask Why am I, why am I, why am I here I am your friend
3.
December’s icy rain is freezing on the road Start the car in the dark I just need to make it home Keep it between the lines just for one more mile But I am going the wrong way Every night down this same street To a place where I don’t belong And no one waits for me I know pride goes before a fall I just watched a dream die If it’s not too late to turn around And if I can find the way, I might If I can find the way, I might Oh, I’m free as can be
4.
My Lullaby 03:00
From the window I see a city full of people Midnight but the lights are shining on The only sound I can hear is the traffic down below Close the curtain, turn off the phone I don’t want to fall apart But the seams are straining anyway If I could fall into a dreamless sleep Morning might come eventually I never thought that I would still be holding on To plans that have no place in my world Of a fairy tale swan who finally spreads its wings But some of us will never be swans
5.
A trembling hand, a nervous glance So indiscreet, though I try to be How much do you know? How much do you know? I am the moth drawn to your flame But how do I dare love you this way The masquerade, it ends tonight There’ll never be a perfect time To let you know I’m on the verge, on the verge of letting you know That I am the moth drawn to your flame I know I’ll be burned, but I’ll stay anyway
6.
Average, adequate Falling short of standards, nursing regrets Time is running out but the player hasn’t started yet Meddling then settling For a role where you don’t owe anything To anyone and no one will see you fall Don’t break the fourth wall Never drop the mask Keep your eyes downcast “Come on and judge me” Know you can’t fight it Might as well invite it Waiting for a hopeful sign Though it never will be enough When the high has passed, the low’s gonna be so low What does it matter - you’re an amateur actor And all the seats are empty now So if it makes you happy, anything’s allowed Breathing the air, taking up space Giving them the right to put you in your place
7.
Your eyes, infinite, deep and distant Dark sea, filling my dreams on the shore But I could drown, let me drown I would drown forever in that sea The night, within and without In sky blue, reflected there But I could fly, let me fly I would fly forever in that sky Just for tonight let me believe Although it’s a lie I will believe My hope will die unless I believe Once in my life won’t you let me believe You could be mine
8.
Why Try 03:32
Every time you were here I found some way to be near You did just enough to keep me From giving up completely, now I fear I’m chasing smoke, feeling no heat from the fire You’re moving slow and fading fast So why do I try It’s a means to what end Do you want more than a friend When it comes to you, I don’t know What else can I do, I guess I’ll go again Built my castle in the air Even let down my hair How much longer can I wait for you there
9.
These words were never said but they played in my head You don’t know me, but I’ve thought of hating you I may regret I opened this door but I can’t be silent anymore No more What I’ve heard for so long is everything that’s wrong with your love, whatever that means to you You know I can’t understand why you never come around I try to lift him up when you bring him down There’s no need to lie my misery I can’t deny but everything I feel is growing dim Though I came so near you never had anything to fear I made no difference to him You don’t want my advice but you need to open your eyes and make the most of your precious time I had a moment, then it was gone Mine was make believe, yours is real and still alive
10.
Overcome 04:15
There is a strange and new sensation Something stirring, making waves under my surface I started dreaming in the day When I wake up What was old is new again What was dead has been reborn My elements are melting with a fervent heat And I am overcome Living for moments that rarely come So when they do, I take a chance Then as you leave, I watch you go Without a word I’m missing cues and losing sleep Breaking rules and feeling weak And I’m searching for the signal and the certainty And I am overcome
11.
Total Loss 03:54
You say you’ve been in a fragile state of late and sorry for making so many mistakes You can’t see the ground distracted by your hope Your eye on the sky through a telescope All stars are surely dying While time is flying Some truth is terrifying Your future’s fixed and past deciding You don’t mind at all the work, the wait, the climb It’s the falling down that hurts, never reaching the height It’s not a total loss, you’re still alive Crashed down to earth from blazing through the night Just believe it’s a fleeting feeling Tomorrow it will go away Keep an analytical distance for another day

credits

released January 14, 2015

Tracks 1-10 written by Lindsay Murray; track 11 written by Lindsay Murray and Ken Stringfellow (SOFT Rebellion Songs/BMI) © 2014

Lindsay Murray: lead and backing vocals, rhythm and lead guitar, keyboards, drum programming

Ken Stringfellow: backing vocals, rhythm and lead guitar, bass, keyboards, drum programming and percussion

Ira Elliot: drums and percussion on tracks 1, 3, 4, 6, 8, 10, 11

Produced by Ken Stringfellow

Recorded at Grand Street Recording, Brooklyn, NY by Ken Rich and assistant engineer Jake Lummus; Middle C Music, Nashville, TN by Ken Stringfellow; Lindsay’s house, Westmoreland, TN by Lindsay Murray

Additional recording and all mixing by Ken Stringfellow at Le Son du Blé, Paris, France

General assistance and hospitality provided by Mike Farona at Middle
C Music

Mastered by L. Nix Mastering at Ardent Studios in Memphis, TN

Wheel painting by Jennifer Doneske

Photography by MarkStultzPhoto

Design by Lindsay Murray

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